A giant inflatable SpongeBob SquarePants was stolen from the Burger King in Gorham. Employees noticed SpongeBob was missing when they showed up for work Wednesday morning. Only the ropes that held him in place were left. Police are asking for anyone who sees SpongeBob to give them a call. He is 8 feet tall and yellow and was last seen wearing a white shirt, red tie, brown square pants with a black belt, and black shoes. He is valued at approximately $600."
I love this fucked-up planet.