Sunday, April 23, 2006

We Interrupt Your Regular Nerdity: Smells Like Perv Spirit

Instead of the usual comic blather to round out the week, you get this claptrap about my increasing libido.

Anyway, I learned this week that my sex drive is connected primarily to my olfactory sense. It makes sense, in retrospect; I've rarely been able to get hard just looking at an attractive woman, but when I've gotten up close to them (dancing, hugging, making out), my libido goes wild. I actually popped my first woody hugging a female friend goodbye. [Jon Stewart]Awk-ward...[/Jon Stewart]

What confirmed this for me was a subway ride this week. On Wednesdays, the magazine has weekly out-meetings at the Whitney Museum, across from Grand Central. (Come say hi to me sometime, ya fucks!) So, after work, I hop on the 4 train uptown (I work at an office building across from the WTC site), buy my comics from Midtown's East Side store, hit a local Wendy's and walk to the meetings.

It's usually crowded, but last Wednesday it was packed. At (I believe) 14th Street, this woman got on and stood next to me. Kinda cute, but not the type that really gets my motor going, lookswise. But her head cem up right to my nose, and her smell...

It's weird, it wasn't any actual smell, it was just the air around her. I would literally breathe in and get woozy. I tried surreptitiously to get a better sniff, but she wasn't even wearing any perfume I could detect. I don't know what that's about, but I guess her pheromone level was higher than normal (do women do that when they ovulate?).

Whatever it was, I was nursing a boner of Fourth World proportions. Seriously, if I'd taken out my dick, it probably would have had a little Kirby Krackle around it. Only my Lutheran sense of propriety and the desire not to end up as a Post headline stopped me from checking. Thankfully, there was enough room between us that this wasn't immediately obvious to her (or if it was, she chose to ignore it and spare me the humiliation). Once I got off the train, I needed a moment to catch my breath (and arrange my laptop bag so it hung in front of me).

I probably won't know that woman by sight if I ever share another train with her. But if she gets close enough to smell, I'll probably shout, "It's you!"

No comments: