God Dammit, Marvel

So, I woke up around noon today (what? it's a day of rest) and, after the mandatory peeing and preparation of breakfast, I thought I'd see what salacious tidbits Rich Johnston had for me today.

Talk about be careful what you wish for...

I hope I don't have to explain this to my readership, either one of you, but just in case: Yes, this is rape. Tricking someone into having sex with you, especially by pretending to be someone else, is, by definition, non-consensual sex. It was rape when it happened in Revenge of the Nerds, it was rape when it happened on Married... With Children, and it's rape now. That Fred Van Lente equivocates so about it is almost as disgusting as the presence of the scene itself. As my father used to say when I got into a shoving match with the teachers at school (true story!), I Am Not Impressed.

But it gets worse. Oh, god, how it gets worse. Because, of course, the perfect follow up to rape is wacky sex comedy! Or, more accurately, hoary sitcom cliches passed of as wacky sex comedy. You see, it turns out this woman is "clingy." And Peter has to go along with it, because telling her the truth would reveal his identity as Spider-Man! Ha-ha! Oh, they never could have given us gems like this with a married Peter Parker!

Seriously, god dammit, Marvel. Have you no sense of good taste? This isn't a Spider-Man plot; it's a shitty episode of Two and a Half Men. And you know what I think of Two and a Half Men.

Please, for the love of humanity and your remaining dignity, go back to stories about Peter Parker speed dating. Anything is better than this vile, misogynistic tripe.