Dear New Jersey,
In two days, you will be electing your next governor. Congratulations on that. I'm a big supporter of civic involvement, and I hope you all get out there on Tuesday and make your slurry, nasal voices heard.
However, as a resident of New York City who has had to watch your election cycle play out during the Jeopardy! commercial breaks for the last ten freaking months, I must ask that you get it right the first time around. I don't care which candidate you choose: John Corzine, Chris Christie, Tony Soprano, it's really all the same to me. I just don't want to have to put up with a run-off campaign. I never thought I'd say this, but I'd prefer watching that horrifying "Little Bit of Luck" guy dancing and hitting on cougars.
So please, decisively elect a governor on Nov. 3. Or, failing that, stick them in Thunderdome on Nov. 4. In fact, you should probably do that no matter what. Charge $5 admission and you could probably fix your deficit.