Thursday, May 12, 2005

More Stupid Fanboy Tricks

Continuing the theme from the last post:

So, Marvel and Toy Biz are releasing this toy line in the summer, basically of some giant transforming robots based around Spider-Man, Wolverine, Hulk, Captain America, and so on. It's aimed at kids, because, well, kids like giant transforming robots. For some extra fun, they've arranged for Sean McKeever and Lou Kang (finish him!) to do some little minicomics to go in the packaging that explain the "backstory" (Tony Stark built the suits for his superhero friends, and Doc Ock stole the technology and made one for himself). To finish the cross-promotion trilogy, there'll be a four-issue miniseries in August. A fairly simple hook and reel job.

From the reaction of some people, you'd think they'd killed Hawkeye. Again. This is utterly true: Someone actually said, "Why does Ghost Rider need a giant robot to help him dispense vengeance?" Similarly, people are complaining that Hulk lacks the intelligence and patience to pilot his own giant robot. And there's the ever-present continuity griping: "How does it fit in with New Avengers?" "Since when is Dr. Octopus a roboticist?" Why do women laugh when I show them my penis?"

Is it just me? Am I the only one who remembers being a kid? 'Cause as a kid, I would have thought this was cool. And bollocks to continuity. I was into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in the day, and I had fourteen different versions of just Michelangelo. And I routinely had all of them fighting three Shredders. No way does that make sense in terms of story logic. But I was nine, so I made up something about Donatello building robot clones, and I was good.

Years ago, at the height of the Pokemon craze, I was browsing through some store or other that had among its wares little stuffed Pikachus, Bulbasaurs, et al. A preschoolish tyke entered the store and, of course, beelined straight for them. As some adults (presumably the tyke's parents) walked by, I heard one of them say, "Those things are so stupid." And I immediately thought to myself, "This coming from the generation that gave us the pet rock."

Of course it's silly. Of course it's patently ridiculous if you think about it for a few minutes. Who cares? Kids like giant transforming robots. If a day ever comes when kids don't like giant transforming robots, we will have truly failed as a species.

This isn't for you, fanboys. Mego was for you. The Secret Wars toys were for you. This is for the kids who will be you in twenty years. (Although hopefully, fewer of them will be such idiots.) Pull the Wand of Watoomb out of your asses and let Marvel do what they need to do to ensure there will still be a Marvel when you're in adult diapers. As opposed to now, when you're just shitting yourselves.

2 comments:

Brad Curran said...

Are people seriously wondering where this would fit in to New Avengers? Did someone seriously type that? And if so, are you sure it wasn't a funny joke? If it's a joke, it's pretty funny. If not... DESPAIR! If no one typed it at all... STILL DESPAIR!

Jonas Diego said...

Cool article! Did you get great stuff from Free Comic Book Day? I had the misfortune of being in a conference during that date here in the Philippines.

By the time I got out, the stores were closed. Oh well, there's always next year. Cool blog! :)